Avert your eyes! It's the Eclipse trailer!

I hate to follow up a post discussing one of the all-time great vampire movies with a post about the series that seems dead-set on destroying vampires; but hey, that's just how it works out sometimes.

Oh, look! It's the brand new trailer for The Twilight Saga: Eclipse!

Are they freaking kidding with this shit?

Seriously, this is getting ridiculous. How is it that a series that was so bad from the beginning continues to somehow devolve more and more with each entry? Now, I know this was just a minute and a half teaser, but still - let me just share my initial thoughts upon watching this tripe.

• The trailer starts off as I believe we want all vampire movies to start off - with a couple uncharismatic douche-bags sitting in a field of flowers talking about love. More specifically, Edward is telling Bella he will love her for all time...which might be a more powerful statement if he hadn't hightailed it out of town and potentially left her at the mercy of powerful enemies in the last film. "My bad," I guess he would say.
• Next up we get Dakota Fanning (and you already know how I feel about her). She arrives to tell Edward and Bella that "the Volturi don't give second chances." Which is odd, because I'm pretty sure that's exactly how the last film ended. With the Volturi giving Edward a second chance! Oh well. Anyway, Edward meets this obvious threat with his usual response - a blank look that can barely be legally called an expression (pictured above).
• Now we get to Bella asking Edward why he is against turning her into a vampire and ARE YOU FUCKIN' SERIOUS?? Didn't we already go over this ad nauseum in the last movie? In my review of New Moon, I pointed out Bella's constant annoying nagging about this issue...and now we have to sit through it again? I'm convinced that Edward must eventually turn her just to finally shut her up.
• Jacob enters the picture next, and in case you didn't get that this series is all about a love triangle, he lays it out for you with some of the most direct, lazy dialogue imaginable. "I'm in love with you, and I want you to pick me instead of him." Wow, really spelling it out for us there, aren't you, Jake? Oh, by the way, he also tells her that she wouldn't have to change if she picked him - but wasn't his whole deal last time that he was worried he might lash out and horribly disfigure her face if he got angry and his inner-wolf took over? I guess he got over that. Here's hoping if that happens he doesn't claw off Bella's lower lip, leaving her with nothing to constantly bite.
• Speaking of Jacob, what's the deal with Taylor Lautner in this trailer? Lautner showed the slightest hint of actual likable charisma in New Moon (which put him miles ahead of the human mannequin, Robert Pattinson). But now suddenly in this one he's delivering every line with the same sort of sleepy non-interest as Edward. Why is it a requirement for this series that the characters have to be as boring as humanly possible?
• Now shit gets serious, as the film's apparent chief villain shows up. And, oh snap, it's...that one red-headed vampire chick that didn't really do anything in the first film and then showed up for a few minutes in the second one but still didn't do anything! Oh no! My opinion of Stephenie Meyer as an author is well documented, but this is just more wood for the fire. She has no concept of how to build an intriguing villain. Heck, in the first book it felt like she outright forgot she even needed any sort of conflict, and then when she remembered she just awkwardly wedged it all into the final couple chapters. Now here we are supposed to give a damn about a villain that we know pretty much nothing about. Keep in mind, this is not a new character. This chick has been in the last two films...but has not been given one single moment to develop even the slightest hint of a personality. Did she even have a line in New Moon? She's essentially the equivalent of the useless enemy henchmen in a Bond movie, except oddly elevated to the main villain role. Because we have no connection to her, we know that she doesn't pose any sort of serious threat to our main characters. And yet the movie wants us to be all excited that she is back. Fuck you, Twilight.
• I hate to beat this dead horse, but check out the official synopsis of Eclipse. "Bella once again finds herself surrounded by danger as Seattle is ravaged by a string of mysterious killings and a malicious vampire continues her quest for revenge. In the midst of it all, she is forced to choose between Edward and Jacob — knowing that her decision has the potential to ignite the struggle between vampire and werewolf." Now, you tell me - couldn't that also be the exact synopsis for the last movie? It's like they're not even trying at this point. And, you know what, they probably aren't. Because dumb teenage girls and even dumber middle-aged moms are gonna eat this crap up no matter what. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna sit here and patiently wait for Daybreakers to come out on DVD.

13-Year-Old Girl > Stephenie Meyer

Alright, I realize I've been letting this blog just sorta sit here and collect dust, so starting today I'm gonna try to make a real effort to write on here more often. Typically, it will be my thoughts on whatever news I come across, particularly pertaining to my beloved horror genre. For instance:

I have mixed feelings on wise-beyond-their-years kids. On one hand, they sorta creep me out. I remember hearing about how Dakota Fanning, when meeting with producers of films she was trying out for, would leave her parents and other adult handlers outside, and come into the room with her own copy of the script that she had already made extensive notes in regarding the character she was auditioning for. That's not "cute." It's scary. Think back to how dumb and scatter-brained you were when you were a young child. Now compare that to what I just said, and everything else we know and have seen of Fanning. We better hope that, as she grows older, Fanning continues to focus primarily on acting. At the rate she's maturing, she could probably rule us all one day if she turned her attention toward it.

Now, on the other hand, as someone who has worked in retail and had to deal with the usual dumb-as-bricks kids (and their equally stupid parents) on a fairly regular basis, I can see the positives of these way-too-smart kids, as well. Sure, Dakota Fanning's maturity might be a little off-putting, but at least you can probably trust her on her own for a while, without the fear that she is going to randomly tear open packages and try to stick things up her nose for no reason (that would be Lindsay Lohan, actually).

Plus, the other nice thing about these kids is that, sometimes, it's nice to hear that they really know what the fuck they're talking about. Take Chloe Moretz, for instance. This 13-year-old is best known to most for her role in 500 Days of Summer. Not to me, though, because I still haven't seen 500 Days of Summer, and am in no hurry to do so. Actually, one of the biggest reasons I avoided 500 Days of Summer was how annoying Moretz' character looked in the trailer. Sure, she only had one line ("alright, start from the beginning"), but it was delivered in such an annoying manner that I wanted to punch her. And I've found it's probably best if I avoid any movies that have a by-product of making me want to assault small children.

Still, I can't avoid her forever. And, in fact, I'm quite looking forward to Moretz' next film, the gleefully raunchy and violent superhero satire Kick-Ass. If the film's red-band trailer (which depicts Moretz dismembering bad guys and uttering the c-word) is any indication, Moretz is poised to be a breakout star thanks to her role as Hit Girl. What does this mean for horror fans? Well, it means there will be an extra level of attention paid to her next project - one that many fans like myself are naturally worried about: the American remake of the excellent Swedish vampire film Let the Right One In.

Now, as I have already documented in this very blog, I have nothing against the idea of horror remakes in general. But I think most of us can agree that this is one of those remakes that is pretty darn unnecessary. For one thing, Let the Right One In is from 2008! It's not like this will be a re-telling for a new generation. Plus, the original is widely considered by many horror fans (including this one) to be one of the best vampire movies ever. It seems doubtful that a new version can really improve upon it.

That being said, I have to admit that there are slight positive signs starting to emerge regarding Let Me In (as the American remake has been bizarrely re-named). In terms of its writer-director, there could certainly be far worse options that Cloverfield helmer Matt Reeves. That giant-monster movie showed an impressive talent behind the camera - at least in terms of big-budget mayhem. I'm not sure if that necessarily translates to the more subtle chills that Let Me In demands, but still, I'd rather see it in the hands of someone like Reeves, who has made at least one excellent movie, than some no-namer or someone with a sketchier resume.

But the real interesting developments so far have been in the casting department. The always great Richard Jenkins will be playing the young vampire's guardian - a creepy role than could be even creepier if this version hews closer to the original novel than the first film (although I somehow doubt that). Meanwhile, there are the all important lead-roles, which it's only natural to worry about since, let's face it, talented child actors aren't exactly one of America's most abundant resources. Thankfully, it appears this, too, has gone better than it could have, as the central role of the young boy is being played by Kodi Smit-McPhee, who recently impressed by sharing the screen and totally holding his own with Viggo Mortensen in The Road. And, as the film's mysterious young vampire? Yup...Chloe Moretz.

I realize this isn't enough to really start getting excited for a project that still seems like a pointless idea, if not an outright bad one. But, like I said, there are positive signs. Take, for instance, this quote from a new interview Moretz did for Movieline, in which she shared her take on her role in Let Me In.

"The character of Abby…I mean, usually a lot of movies glamorize being a vampire. It’s pretty, it’s cool, you look awesome! It’s scary, deep, and dark, this devil inside of her. The vampire is different than Abby. It’s like her alternate personality, and when it takes her over, she has no control."

So here we have a 13-year-old girl, not only showing a better understanding of what makes vampires interesting than a bestselling hack author like Stephenie Meyer does, but also saying exactly the right things when it comes to the hoped-for tone of this movie. Now, once again, it's way too early to start getting my hopes up. And I realize that, just because Moretz "gets" the character, doesn't mean the film (and Reeves) will actually live up to that understanding. Although, worse comes to worse, maybe they could just let her direct the damn thing. Hell, that one comment above sounds a lot more intelligent and with-it than anything I've ever heard come out of, say, Brett Ratner's mouth.

All things considered, though, Moretz' comments at least hint at some possible good signs in what at first seemed like the mother of all bad ideas. I'm still reserving judgment, and I still feel that even a decent Let Me In will probably not come close to equaling Let the Right One In. But a decent film would obviously be better to have out there than an awful one. Look at it this way - best case scenario, the film actually does stay true to the original and hit the right tone, and maybe finally starts weaning American audiences away from their Twilight-induced wimpy-vampire leanings. Do I want a Let the Right One In remake? Not necessarily. But with three more Twilight films on the way, I'm certainly not going to complain about any new American vampire movies that actually give the creatures their teeth (and balls) back.

The Best Movies of the Decade (2000-2009)

In this weekend's edition of the Top 5, the column I host over at the Movies zone of 411mania, I and some of my fellow writers shared our personal opinions on the Top 5 Movies of the Decade (2000-2009). My Top 5 list, though, was taken from a larger version that I've been working on for a while now. So, here is the rest of my full list of what I personally feel were the Top 20 Movies of the Decade (with a link to the Top 5 column at the end). Keep in mind, there are plenty of movies I haven't seen which might have ended up on here instead, so this is just how this list stands as it is now.

20) Requiem for a Dream (2000)
Horribly depressing? No doubt about it. But it is also impossible to shake. I still think it would be beneficial to show this one in schools...although the whole "ass to ass" thing probably prevents that.
19) The Incredibles (2004)
Despite not being based on an actual comic-book, Pixar still made one of the best comic-book movies ever. In fact, this is a much better Fantastic Four movie than Fantastic Four was.
18) Traffic (2000)
I honestly believed Soderbergh's gripping examination of the drug trade would be a much bigger classic than it ended up. But oh well, I still find it fascinating.
17) Inglourious Basterds (2009)
Tarantino's strongest work since Pulp Fiction, and a film that reveals more (and gets better) with every viewing.
16) The Hurt Locker (2009)
By wisely removing the politics and just focusing on the men doing the fighting (or, in this case, defusing the bombs), Katheryn Bigelow made the smartest and best war film of the modern era.
15) Pan's Labyrinth (2006)
I suppose someone might make a better dark fantasy movie than this someday...but I highly doubt it.
14) Crank (2006)
No...seriously. Crank was one of the most original action movies to come along in some time. Heck, one of the most original movies, period. You hadn't seen anything like this up until this point, and I'm sure its reputation and influence will only continue to grow.
13) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
A film about losing love, and wanting to forget about it, actually ends up becoming a poignant tribute to the power of love.
12) Shaun of the Dead (2004)
I know, I know...Shaun was my #2 Horror Movie of the decade, and yet here it is on this list, while my #1 Horror Movie of the decade, The Descent, isn't. That's simply because I feel The Descent is more effective as a horror film, but I won't deny that Shaun is a more appealing movie overall. If you still think that doesn't make sense, well, it's my list, so oh well.
11) Oldboy (2003)
One of the most twisted revenge sagas ever filmed, with a mind-blowing ending you'll never forget.
10) The Dark Knight (2008)
Nolan's follow-up to Batman Begins is not just the greatest comic-book movie ever made, but one hell of a crime drama, period.
9) Mulholland Dr. (2001)
It doesn't matter if you understand it or not (although, for the most part, I think just about everyone ended up coming to the same conclusion about what its mind-bending narrative means) - it's impossible not to get drawn in and completely engrossed by Lynch's storytelling here. The more I think about it, the more I wonder if this might not surpass Blue Velvet as Lynch's best.
8) No Country for Old Men (2007)
The Coens did the smart thing and stayed extremely faithful to Cormac McCarthy's brilliant novel. McCarthy's writing teamed with Coens' filmmaking strengths proved an incredibly potent combo.
7) Memento (2000)
Nolan again, this time with one of the coolest experiments in movie history - one that probably shouldn't have worked, but that just goes to show how talented the man is.
6) Brokeback Mountain (2005)

I still get angry thinking about Crash beating this for Best Picture. So many people made fun of this movie when it was first announced, but all but the most homophobic morons were forced to shut up when it turned out to be not just a "gay cowboy" movie, but in fact one of the best romantic stories ever put on film.

Check out my Top 5 Movies of the Decade here.

Trev's Top 20 Horror Movies of the Decade

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

GRINDHOUSE (2007) - Probably one of the better theater experiences of the decade for horror fans, but Planet Terror is too goofy for the Top 20, and Death Proof is more of a tribute to car and girl-gang movies than it is horror.

WILLARD (2003) - Glen Morgan's criminally underrated remake probably threw some off by being more of a Hitchcockian character study than just a slasher about a guy who controls rats. But it needs to be seen for Crispin Glover's performance, which might be the best of his career.

1408 (2007) - A very effective ghost tale, thanks to a very good performance from John Cusack (who more or less has to carry the whole movie by himself). But I've found its power slightly diminishes with each viewing. Besides, there's a much better Stephen King adaptation to lavish praise on, and we'll get to that in a bit.

LAND OF THE DEAD (2005) - Yeah, it's fun...but it doesn't really stack up to Romero's first three Dead films.

SESSION 9 (2001) - I went back and forth on whether to give this the #20 spot over the film that I eventually did choose. Session 9 is an excellent creepfest, make no mistake about it. I don't know...maybe I just couldn't bring myself to include a David Caruso film in my Top 20.

THE TOP 20 HORROR MOVIES OF THE DECADE (2000-2009)

20. PITCH BLACK (2000)
Not a horror movie, you say? Well, it is about being stranded on a completely dark planet with a vicious serial killer and a race of man-eating aliens. I'd say "horrific" sums that situation up pretty well. Plus, it just really delivers, thanks to great mood, tension and - yes - a damn good performance from Vin Diesel. I don't know why Diesel and writer/director David Twohy thought the natural follow-up would be inserting Riddick into a mythology-driven space opera, but hey, the resultant disappointment of The Chronicles of Riddick is their cross to bear, not mine. At least we'll always have Pitch Black.

19. SLITHER (2006)
James Gunn's hilarious tribute to the gross-out horror comedies of the '80s would probably be higher on my list if I was able to watch it without thinking of how much better Night of the Creeps did essentially the same story. Still, this film is a blast, and it's always great to see Nathan Fillion in a lead role.

18. THE MIST (2007)
Here's that other Stephen King adaptation I mentioned earlier. Frank Darabont had already proven his mastery of King's dramatic work with The Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile. Here, he showed that he could knock King's horror out of the park as well, with a perfect old-school monster movie. And that ending? Oh, man. Darabont made up for the fact that King's novella ends on a somewhat flat note by creating one of the best endings in horror history. King himself said the film's climax was so good, he wishes he had thought of it.

17. MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN (2008)
I remember when I first read Clive Barker's awesome (and gruesome) short story Midnight Meat Train. I thought about how cool it would be if it was made into a movie...and then resigned myself to thinking it would never happen - at least not with that title, and certainly not with that ending. And yet here it is, with title and crazy finale intact. The best Barker adaptation since Candyman.

16. HOSTEL: PART II (2007)
It has become cool to hate on Eli Roth, but screw that. Yes, he's a sometimes overzealous self-promoter, but he's also an enthusiastic advocate of the horror genre as a whole, and I don't see anything wrong with that. At least the guy actually knows his stuff. As for his own movies, Cabin Fever has its flaws, but its very oddness is also what has made it grow on me more and more over the years. Then we have the two Hostel films, which are often accused of being nothing more than "torture porn," which unfortunately ignores the sly wit and satire that Roth actually employs in the two movies (and, for the record, there's really not as much torture and extreme gore in these films as some critics make it sound - definitely not as much as there is in other films that fell under the torture porn label). I'm giving the nod to the second film because I think it's Roth's most confident film-making job. It never veers into any unnecessary tangents, and I think interweaving the two stories of the girls who are destined to become victims and the businessmen who have paid to victimize them works very well.

15. BUG (2006)
William Friedkin, director of The Exorcist, finally returned to the horror genre...and nobody cared. Huh? What happened? Well, perhaps it's the fact that film's marketing mislead people into believing this really was a movie about microscopic little bug, when really it's all about the most frightening thing of all - a shattered human mind. Michael Shannon's turn as a paranoid ex-soldier convinced he's the victim of government experimentation is one of the better genre performances of the decade, and Ashley Judd is quite good as well. The final scene, where Judd not only buys into Shannon's madness but then goes on to take it to a whole new level by herself, is scary in a way that even the best slasher or supernatural film could never hope to achieve.

14. AMERICAN PSYCHO (2000)
Mary Harron's adaptation of Bret Easton Ellis' controversial novel is nowhere near as graphic as the book, nor does it ever become bogged down in long rants about consumerist desires. Oddly enough, this makes it work almost better than the novel, as we can instead fully concentrate on the twisted psyche of (possible) serial-killer Patrick Bateman. Even if Bale continues to turn in disappointingly boring performances like he did in Terminator: Salvation and Public Enemies, he'll forever be in my cool book for his work here.

13. JEEPERS CREEPERS (2001)
There's a part of me that doesn't enjoy liking this movie, given that it's written and directed by convicted child molester Victor Salva. But if you can separate the art from the artist, what you find is one hell of a well made monster movie - the kind of film that just doesn't get made all too often anymore. I love the mythology of the Creeper (and I especially love how neither this film nor its sequel even bother to try and explain his origins), and I think the first 30 or so minutes of the movie is some of the best filmmaking the genre had seen in quite some time.

12. THE SIGNAL (2007)
A very under-appreciated gem that will hopefully find the cult audience it deserves. The Signal tells the tale of a fictional city where, on New Year's Eve, a mysterious transmission over every television, radio and cell phone drives everyone in the city insane. There are two things that make this film so memorable. For one, it is written and directed by three different filmmakers, with each one helming his own section of the movie and giving it its own distinctive flavor. But what I enjoyed even more is that 9 times out of 10 in a movie like this, the main character will be the one person who was somehow not affected by the transmission. But not here. Everyone is affected, including the hero, which means you can never really trust what the movie is showing you. It's a nice and unique touch.

11. BATTLE ROYALE (2000)
What can I say? You make a movie about a class of middle-school students forced to kill each other on an island or else their heads will be blown up by an explosive collar around their neck, and I'll include it on my list of the top horror films of the decade.

10. INSIDE (2007)
The wave of extreme French horror that hit in the second half of the decade was one of the most exciting movements the genre had seen in awhile (personally, I'll take these over J-horror any day). The best of the bunch was Inside, which takes the typical "victimized woman" horror story to a whole new level. Here, a young pregnant women is terrorized in her home the night before she is scheduled to have labor induced, by a psychotic woman obsessed with cutting the child out of the other woman's stomach. Both actresses give excellent performances, making these real characters, and you just can't believe how far this film continues to push the envelope.

9. SAW (2004)
This is another one of those series that horror snobs are not supposed to like, even though it's ever evolving storyline is actually a pretty cool and unique approach to a horror franchise. Let's face it, most horror franchises eventually begin ignoring their own continuity, whereas Saw makes it so that you really can't watch a new entry without being familiar with what came before. It's the ultimate fan-service series. But, anyway, I could go on and on about how this series is unfairly maligned as a whole, but instead let's just concentrate on how good the first film actually was. Sure, there's the pretty terrible Cary Elwes performance to deal with, but other than that the original Saw movie was quite the treat - buoyed by a great villain, an awesome twist ending, and a slightly more intellectual approach than one would probably expect from a film of this kind. In terms of the whole series, I enjoy the second film the best. But the first movie is one of the most innovative horror films of this era, and deserves this spot accordingly.

8. LET THE RIGHT ONE IN (2008)
Alright, are you happy, vampire fans? Actually, this is much more than just throwing the current fad a bone. In fact, Let the Right One In came along at just the right time, when the depressing teeny-bopper vampire craze was threatening to permanently file down the teeth of one of horror's most indelible monsters. Then this movie (not to mention the excellent novel on which it is based) showed up, reminding us all how powerful a well-done vampire story can actually be. If you would rather watch Twilight than this, there is something very wrong with your taste.

7. 28 WEEKS LATER (2007)
I was going to include both 28 ____ Later films as a tie here, but at the last moment decided that was too much of a cheat (although know that, in my heart, that's really the case). So why did I go with Juan Carlos Fresnadillo's sequel over Danny Boyle's more acclaimed original? Well, although I think 28 Days Later is a better movie than its sequel, I think 28 Weeks Later is a better horror movie than its predecessor. I know, I know...that's one of those statements that makes a lot more sense in my head than it does when I actually say it. So let me just say that I think 28 Weeks Later's slightly more nihilistic tone makes it even more disturbing than the first film. After all, the first film shows an epidemic created out of an accident, but ends in a somewhat hopeful manner. The follow-up says "forget that...you might think we have this solved, but this problem ain't going anywhere." Here's hoping if a third film is ever made, it's up to par with the other two, and can be included in my Best Horror Movies of 2010-2019 list.

6. DAWN OF THE DEAD (2004)
When I first heard of this movie being made, I was pretty furious. If you had told me then that it would later end up on my Best Horror Movies of the Decade list, I would have thought you were crazy. But it earned it. OK, forget about the name for a second (if this had been called anything else, there wouldn't have been half as much bitching about it). And let's finally get past this whole silly "zombies can't run" argument. They're fictional creatures...they can do whatever the hell the story demands them to do. Plus, they ran in Return of the Living Dead and Re-Animator, and you sure weren't bitching about it then. Once you get past these two actually-unimportant criticisms, you find one hell of an exciting zombie film, with a fun mix of characters, and one of the best opening sequences in horror movie history.

5. DRAG ME TO HELL (2009)
Will we ever get Evil Dead 4? Who knows? I'm certainly not hopeful. But at least now we know that if it ever does happen, Sam Raimi is certainly still up to the task, as he proved with this triumphant return to the genre (well, triumphant in quality, if not in box-office). Even with a PG-13 rating, Raimi reminded us that sometimes the old tricks still work the best, and gave us one of the most fun horror films in recent memory.

4. MAY (2002)
I've been championing this film to just about everyone I know since first seeing it years ago, but at this point I've given up hoping for it to ever have the huge following I think it deserves. But oh well, it's everyone's loss, as Lucky McKee's dark fairy-tale of a weird, lonely girl (a superb Angela Bettis) who just wants some friends (or at least parts of them) is one of the best off-beat character pieces in the genre's history. It also has one of the best (and unexpected) final shots of any film I've ever seen. It's a testament to both McKee's script and Bettis' performance that I would totally date May if she was a real person...even if it meant risking my life.

3. THE DEVIL'S REJECTS (2005)
In between his "Texas Chainsaw Massacre on a diet of MTV and LSD" House of 1000 Corpses and completely fucking up his Halloween films, Rob Zombie somehow delivered one of the greatest exploitation tributes I've ever seen (this is the movie I think Rodriguez and Tarantino wanted to make with Grindhouse). Whether or not it was just a happy accident is beside the point - this is a damn powerful film, and I love how it messes with its audience in getting them to eventually root for some of the most psychotic and unappealing characters you could have. And now I can never hear Freebird and not think of this movie.

2. SHAUN OF THE DEAD (2004)
What is there left to say about Shaun of the Dead? Yes, it's a horror-comedy, but it's also the best non-Romero zombie movie ever made, period. And although it is primarily played for laughs, it's real strength comes in the fact that it doesn't ignore the actual horror of the situation, either. The last act contains some pretty emotional stuff, and it works because you really do care about these characters. Just brilliant filmmaking, any way you look at it.

1. THE DESCENT (2005)
Oh, how I love this film. From it's perfect use of darkness and claustrophobic setting, to its memorable creatures, to its brilliant decision to use an all-female cast (we usually assume the final survivor will be a girl, so this movie wisely cuts out the middle-man, literally, and doesn't give us any male characters to waste our time with). Neil Marshall created an instant horror classic with this one. I'm not all that excited about the upcoming sequel (especially since it follows off of the far-inferior American ending of the first film, instead of the much-better British original ending), but no matter how that movie ends up being, this first film will always be one of my all-time favorite horror movies.

Trev's Top 20 Horror Movies of the Decade - The Exclusions

Alright, call me a bandwagon jumper all you want, but I've been intrigued by the vast number of "best horror movies of the decade" lists I've seen popping up in various horror mags and websites, and I decided to do my own. But before I get to the list itself, I figured I might as well do a little prelude. You see, I know when I put my list up I will probably have people ask why I didn't include certain movies (assuming anyone actually ends up reading the list, that is). So I figure I might as well get it out of the way, and take a moment to share some of the films that will NOT be appearing on my "best of the decade" list, and explain why. These are all films that I think a large number of horror fans might argue should belong on a list like this, so I have no problem explaining why they're not making my cut. Alright, here we go.

THE DEVIL'S BACKBONE - This has just has always been one of the films that I wanted to like a lot more than I did. I love pretty much every other Guillermo Del Toro movie (well, except for Mimic and the first Hellboy film, but I at least like those). Truth be told, I've been meaning to go back and give Devil's Backbone a second chance, but I don't know...the first time I watched it, it just didn't really grab me. The visual of the little boy ghost and the blood floating out of his head is excellent, but I found the story to be a little slow-moving.

CLOVERFIELD - I've seen this included in some of the other lists. It is an awesome movie, and I do dig it. But I don't really consider it horror. And I say that knowing at least a couple films that are on my list are debatable as being horror, but hey, it's my list.

AUDITION - This would probably be in my Top Five...if not for the fact that it came out in 1999. A few lists have cheated the system by using it's US release in 2000 to squeak it in. But I'm gonna play by the rules. If it's any consolation, I'd probably say it's the best horror film of the '90s.

THE RING/JU-ON/PULSE/etc. - I liked Hideo Nakata's Ringu quite a bit, but that was 1998. I wasn't really that into Gore Verbinski's remake. And, for that matter, I wasn't really into the massive wave of Asian ghost movies that followed as a whole. Sorry, this is just one sub-genre that never appealed to me the way it did to many others. The films really started to feel interchangeable, and although some were technically impressive, I never found any of them particularly memorable.

HAUTE TENSION - This is all about the ending. The much discussed twist, which doesn't make a lick of sense. I don't know how all you feel, but I think it's awful. And it's a shame, because the movie really is as awesome as all the hype promised up until that moment. But the ending just pulls me out of the movie and ruins everything. I know the story is that Aja never really intended for there to be a twist, and it was something of a concession to the financiers. Bit whatever the case, it's just bad enough to keep this one off my list.

MARTYRS - I'm glad I saw Martyrs...the one time. I will almost certainly never watch it again. It's not even that it disturbed me that much (although it certainly is disturbing). It's just more that the seemingly unending torture the film's heroine endures does begin to feel repetitive. I think it's funny that some horror fans criticize films like Hostel and the Saw series as being "torture porn," but then go ga-ga over something like this, which is far more brutal and unrelenting, but gets away with it because it supposedly has some sort of deep message. Whatever. Like I said, it's not that I think it's a bad film. But it's not really a great one, either. It is an interesting film, and one that any horror fan should probably see at least once to form their own opinion.

BEHIND THE MASK: THE RISE OF LESLIE VERNON - This is one I came close to including, but much like Haute Tension, the end spoiled it. No, the ending here doesn't piss me off and ruin the movie like it does in Haute Tension, but it does make an otherwise great movie just "pretty good." The idea of a documentary crew following an up-and-coming slasher is a tremendous one, and the movie makes the most of it. But once the final act abandons the "mockumentary" approach, it pretty much just becomes the exact same kind of movie it's been poking fun at. I know, I know...that might be the point. But even so, I just feel like the film loses some of its momentum there.

ZOMBIELAND - Unlike the other zombie-comedy movie that did make my list (I'm sure you can figure it out), Zombieland just feels much more "comedy" than "horror." It's essentially a road comedy that just so happens to take place inside a zombie movie. Don't get me wrong - it's fucking awesome. But there's not really one moment of real horror to it, so I gave it a pass.

TRICK 'R' TREAT - This is a fun movie, and one that I might indeed end up watching every year as a Halloween tradition. But it's also a tad overrated by many horror fans, who I think were reacting more to Warner Bros.' treatment of the film than they were the quality of the movie itself. I appreciate its attempt to bring back the anthology format to horror, but a couple of the stories feel a little short-changed, and the movies desire to link together every story actually ends up hurting it a little (am I the only one who finds it odd and just a little stupid that *spoiler* the nebbish, nervous principal killer ends up also being the dark, mysterious vampire imposter?). The biggest problem here is that the movie is too concerned with the tricks of its storytelling, and not at all with the characters, not a single one of whom are well-developed or memorable. And now I'm gonna say something that is gonna really piss off some fans - Warner Bros. may have been right not to release this to theaters. Like I said, it's fun, but c'mon...a movie like this was never going to be a hit in the theaters. Rabid horror fans always seem to forget that the movie business is just that - a business. Put some of these fans in charge of a studio, and they'll bankrupt it within a year. Anyway, we all should just be happy that Warner Bros. even financed this movie at all. It's a movie that was made for a cult audience, and it thankfully found one. But there are definitely 20 better horror movies from the past 10 years.

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY - Yeah. Right. Look, I'm sorry, but this is the most overrated horror film of the decade, not one of the best. I'm happy for those involved that it did so well. In fact, the story of the film is a hell of a lot more interesting than the film itself. I'm sure I'm not the first person to make this joke, but the problem here is that the movie's title is a damn liar. Not the first word, mind you. There is indeed "paranormal" here. But activity? I wish. If your idea of a scary time is watching two annoying characters sit up in bed and listen to footsteps for 90 minutes, than yeah, this is the film for you. Otherwise, I don't know. To me, there is no sadder statement about the current state of the horror genre (or at least its fans) than the fact that this was considered by many to be the scariest movie to come along in years. Have our standards fallen that low?


So that's it. Feel free to bitch about these all you want. Just make sure you save some of that emotion for my next posting, in which I'll reveal my official list of the "Top 20 Horror Movies of the Decade (2000-2009)."

My Top 25 Zombie Movies of All Time

OK, this is late. I originally intended to write this as a companion piece to last month's Zombie-Thon, but in the end the column itself ended up taking up too much of my time to focus on too much else. Still, the idea stuck with me, and now here it is. This is essentially a response to Entertainment Weekly's version of the list, which they ran (on their website, at least...I don't think it appeared in the magazine) around the time Zombieland was released to theaters. Now, I'm all for personal opinions (especially mine, which are usually right), but EW's list was fairly ridiculous. Let's take a look.

25) Planet Terror
24) Diary of the Dead
23) Land of the Dead
22) Zombie Flesh Eaters (Zombi 2)
21) Night of the Living Dead '90
20) Resident Evil: Extinction
19) Pontypool
18) Braindead (Dead Alive)
17) Homecoming (from Masters of Horror)
16) Dead Snow
15) I Walked with a Zombie
14) Undead
13) The Serpent and the Rainbow
12) Dead Set
11) The Omega Man
10) Return of the Living Dead
9) Re-Animator
8) Day of the Dead
7) Dellamorte Dellamore (Cemetery Man)
6) [REC]
5) Night of the Living Dead '68
4) Dawn of the Dead '78
3) Shaun of the Dead
2) 28 Days Later
1) Dawn of the Dead 2004

Alright, hopefully you're looking at that list and thinking "huh? I mean....HUH?" To be fair, there are some fairly interesting and deserving choices on there that I never would have expected EW to bring up. But overall, this is pretty shaky. The most obvious problem is the inclusion of a few films that don't belong anywhere near a list of the best zombie movies, like Undead, The Omega Man (not even a zombie film), and Resident Evil: Extinction. And I like Resident Evil: Extinction...but are you serious??

I also think it was odd to give spots of Dead Set and Homecoming, given that they are not even movies. Not to mention, if they were going to include non-movies, where the hell is Thriller? And although I can't believe I'm about to say this, I think the list might be showing a little too much love to George Romero. I know, I know...I love the guy as much as the next living dead fan. How could we not? He is our king. But still, I'd be hard-pressed to find any legitimate reasons to include a film like Diary of the Dead on a list of the Top 25 movies of the genre.

Now, their Top 1o is a pretty good selection...although clearly in the wrong order. I mean, whatever problems I may have with the rest of the list, I don't think I need to point to anything other than their number one. The 2004 remake of Dawn of the Dead. They think the remake of Dawn of the Dead is the best zombie movie ever. Better than the original Dawn of the Dead, even. Yikes...just, yikes.

So, anyway, I can continue to bitch about their list, or I can just offer up my own. And that's what I'm gonna do. I'm not gonna claim that my list is the end-all-be-all of these sorts of lists, and I won't even claim that it's way better than the EW list. But you go ahead and look at it, compare the two, and judge for yourself.

MY TOP 25 ZOMBIE MOVIES

25) Pontypool - I was a little torn on this one. For one thing, I only saw it for the first time a few weeks ago, so I haven't had enough time to properly sit back and think about where it falls in terms of the overall genre. Plus, I realize I didn't even give it 4 Bubs (my highest score) when I reviewed it for the Zombie-Thon (review here). But, while compiling this list, I realized that it is one of the films from this year's Zombie-Thon that stuck with me the most in the days that followed. Its refreshingly unique take on what causes the zombie virus and how it is spread is one of the more interesting ideas to emerge in the genre in quite some time. So I'm gonna go ahead and give it the 25 spot...but I admit I need a few more months of reflection before I'll feel fully confident about this decision.
24) Planet Terror - I was initially against this film's inclusion in the EW list, but as I thought about it I lightened up a bit. It's certainly a fun movie, and one of the more high profile entries in the list (even if the film bombed, you still don't see stars like Bruce Willis in a zombie movie all that often). I can't in good faith rank it any higher than this, though, given that the zombies in the film sometimes seem like little more than an afterthought.
23) Bio-Zombie - The Asian zombie movie genre tends to take itself far less seriously than its American or European counterparts, almost always preferring wacky comedy to true chills. Although Wild Zero might be better-known around these parts (and is indeed awesome), my personal favorite is Bio-Zombie, a goofy comedy about two slacker video store clerks forced to battle zombies in a mall. No, it's not original, but nor is it trying to be. It is, however, trying to be hilarious, and I think it succeeds. Here's my review.
22) I Walked With a Zombie - Whenever you see a list like this, you'll usually see either this or White Zombie pop up somewhere. It always feels like a token shout-out to the pre-Romero zombie film; a kind of "yeah, we know they existed even before George re-invented them" acknowlegment. I'm not gonna lie and say there isn't at least a little bit of that thinking behind this pick, but it probably is important to pay some tribute to the original classics. And this genuinely eerie thriller is certainly a better film than the often cheesy White Zombie.
21) Shock Waves - EW included Dead Snow on their list, and I wish I could do the same. I had heard a lot of great things about that movie, so the disappointment was fairly crushing when I finally watched it and discovered it was nothing special (read more about it in my Dead Snow review). But, oh well...that just means the reigning champion of the Nazi Zombie sub-genre is still the underappreciated Shock Waves, a surprisingly effective film that derives it power from dread and tension more than blood and guts. Oh, and it's also got John Carradine and Peter Cushing (in one of his final roles), so it's got that going for it. Personally, I think this one is just begging for a remake. Read my review here.
20) Dance of the Dead - It's great to see films like Shaun of the Dead and Zombieland catch on with mainstream audiences as well as the horror crowd, but it's equally frustrating to watch comparable films not even find the horror audience. Not that this film is completely unknown...it seems to have a decent cult following from what I can tell. But considering it's one of the best zombie comedies ever made, and definitely one of the best of the last few years, it's too bad it's not a bigger deal. Personally, I consider Dance of the Dead to be the great Return of the Living Dead sequel that never really happened. Check out my review here.
19) The Blind Dead - The exclusion of Armando de Ossorio's Blind Dead series - about a sect of sightless Templar Knight zombies who hunt humans by sound - is one of the EW list's biggest faults. Of the four films, I think this and the second, Return of the Blind Dead, are equally good, but I'm giving the spot to the first one for kicking it all off.
18) Land of the Dead - When I first saw this film, my initial belief was that it was even better than Day of the Dead (as you can see if you read my Land review here). With the benefit of time and hindsight, I now realize that not to be true. But Land still deserves a spot in the Top 25. Why? Well, for one thing, Romero's fourth Dead film (and the final one in the original Dead series) certainly has the best performances of the series (a natural by-product of hiring actual professional actors). It was also a nice reminder that Romero still had some chops after a looong absence from the genre. This is essentially the Hollywood-action-movie of the Dead series. Not as deep as the first three, but a lot of fun.
17) [REC] - Romero's Diary of the Dead has its moments, but overall it's just a bit too underwhelming to be considered anything more than a sporadically entertaining disappointment. For a much better example of the first-person-camera zombie film, look no further than this intense Spanish offering. Sure, at times it feels like a video game, but that doesn't diminish its power. Read my review here.
16) Night of the Creeps - Hopefully the recent, long-overdue DVD release of this '80s zombie-comedy will finally bring it the recognition it deserves. Without a doubt the best of the "alien slugs that turn people into zombies" sub-genre (and yes, it is a sub-genre, with other films like Slither and Zombie Town). If nothing else, check it out for Tom Atkin's show-stealing performace as Detective Cameron...for my money right up there with Ash and Shaun as one of the coolest heroes in horror-comedy history. Read my review here.
15) The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue - The EW column called Dellamorte Dellamore "the most tragically underseen film on this list." Maybe that's true, but only because they stupidly neglected to include The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue on their list. This film (also known as Let Sleeping Corpses Lie) is one of those rare zombie films that came out between Romero's Night of the Living Dead and Dawn of the Dead. The genre wouldn't really blow up until the success of Dawn, but this movie shows that even before thatat least some other filmmakers had the right idea about following in Romero's footsteps by mixing complete horror with subtle social commentary. This is begging to be rediscovered in a big way. Read my review here.
14) 28 Days Later - Alright, first of all, enough with the claims that this is not a zombie movie, because the rage infected villains are not the living dead. Hey, guess what, geniuses? Neither were the zombies in I Walked with a Zombie or White Zombie. People have latched onto the "living dead" type of zombie that Romero created so much that they now seem to believe that this is the only kind of zombie allowed. Ugh, I hate that thinking. But that's another rant for another time. Anyway, no matter how you might feel about the zombie-status of this film, there is no denying how important it was for the genre, as it's definitely one of the movies that brought the zombie film back to the forefront of horror in a big way. And yes, it is damn good.
13) The Beyond - EW included every Romero zombie film on their list, but only one film from Lucio Fulci, whose name is second only to Romero when it comes to the genre. This, the middle film of his loosely linked "Gates of Hell" trilogy, is arguably the maestro's masterpiece - a gory, surreal (some would say almost nonsensical) head-trip of terrifying imagery.
12) 28 Weeks Later - "Wait a minute...did you just rank the sequel over the original?" That's right, I did. 28 Weeks is that rare horror sequel that manages to out-do the sequel by elaborating on the ideas of the first film, making them bigger, but still doing so in a way that doesn't completely trip up and piss all over what made the first one so great. Read my review here.
11) Braindead (Dead Alive) - Wow, I've obviously made this much more competetive in my head than I ever intended to, because it kinda kills me not to have this one in the Top 10. Before helming the epic instant classic Lord of the Rings trilogy, Peter Jackson cut his teeth on over-the-top horror comedies like this one, still often referred to as the goriest fright film ever (and probably rightfully so). The first act is a little slow, but you get past that and you're into one of the all-time best party movies the horror genre has ever delivered. Seriously...stick this baby on in a room full of people who have never seen it, and just watch as they experience the unrelenting carnage of the film's final act. It's quite the experience.
10) Zombieland - Yeah, it's pretty early in this film's shelf life, but what can I say? It's really that good. Essentially a comedic road movie trapped inside a zombie film, but it delivers more than enough of the genre's typical trappings to itself be considered a great zombie movie. Bring on the sequel. Read my review here.
9) Dawn of the Dead 2004 - Well, yeah, it deserves to be in the Top 10...not #1, but it belongs here. Really, the only problem with this film is its title. Since it's not exactly a true remake of Romero's original (it takes the basic idea of "survivors in a mall," and nothing else), it's unfair to have to hold it up to that standard. If you can look past that, it's actually one of the most viscerally exciting zombie actions films ever made. Plus, it has one of the best opening 10 minutes in horror movie history.
8) Return of the Living Dead - The punk rock zombie movie. That's something of an oversimplification, and yet an oddly appropriate way to sum it up. While the music and fashion of some the characters feels slightly dated today, the humor and the general awesomeness still holds up. This is another great one for party viewing, as it pretty much never lets up once it gets going (and that happens fairly quickly).
7) Zombi 2 (Zombie Flesh Eaters) - I said The Beyond was arguably Fulci's masterpiece, and I meant it. But this film, a sort of unofficial "sequel" to Romero's Dawn of the Dead, is without a doubt his most important contribution to the zombie genre. You could complain about how this film perhaps sent the genre in the direction of caring more about extreme gore than Romero's social commentary, but ehhh...it's hard to care when the film is such disgusting fun. And hey, I can sum up why it belongs on this list with three simple words: zombie vs. shark.
6) Day of the Dead - Romero's personal favorite of his Dead films, which I think might surprise people. It seems like a lot of people are initially disappointed with this film when they watch it for the first time. That's somewhat understandable - it's quite a jarring change in tone from the near comic-book-ish action/violence of Dawn of the Dead. But Day is definitely a film that ages well and gets better and better with subsequent viewings. It's too bad Romero wasn't able to film his much more elaborate original script, but I'm still pretty happy with what we got here. After all, this is the film that brought us Bub, still cinema's best zombie.
5) Dellamorte Dellamore (Cemetery Man) - This stylish black comedy represents the peak of the Italian zombie cycle. In fact, the cycle all but ended with this one, and what a fitting end it was. At times beautiful, at times violent, and at times head-scratchingly odd, Dellamorte Dellamore is one of the strangest zombies films ever made, but also one of the best.
4) Re-Animator - Another ridiculously over-the-top zombie comedy. Horror fans will always be grateful to this one for bringing us Jeffrey Combs' unforgettable performance as the obsessed Herbest West, one of the genre's great anti-heroes. And hey, let's face it - if you've ever wanted to see a re-animated severed head attempt to perform oral sex on a young woman, your options are pretty limited. It's pretty much just this and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.
3) Shaun of the Dead - Shaun of the Dead is so great, you almost want to consider it an honorary George Romero movie. It just does everything right. It honors the genre, but in a way that is still acessible to non-genre fans. It pays tribute to the Romero films, but is never bogged down by reverance to them. Perhaps most importantly, it effectively mixes humor and horror in a way few other films have. Sure, it's mostly laughs, but the final act actually gets pretty damn emotional (especially considering the fate of certain characters), and it just nails that balance.
2) Dawn of the Dead 1978- What can I say about this one that hasn't been said thousands of times before. I actually think it's THE best zombie movie ever made (I'll explain why it's not my #1, then, in the next blurb). Pretty much everything that is great about the genre is present in this film. With Night, Romero re-invented the zombie film. With Dawn, he officially became its king.
1) Night of the Living Dead (1968) - OK, I think Dawn is technically a better film. But this is MY list of the Top 25 Zombie Movies, and there is no film more important to ME than this one. This was the film that made me a horror fan, let alone a zombie fan. Heck, I might even argue that it made me a movie fan, as it's certainly the first movie I can remember that really had an effect on me. It is still m favorite movie of all time. I have watched it too many times to count, and I will continue to do so. But, putting aside my own personal wacking-off over it for a moment, it is also the most significant zombie film in history, as it turned the idea of zombies in a completely new direction. The genre never looked back. "Hugely influential" is an understatement. Thank you, George.

Best DVD Cover....Ever.

A Perfect Getaway was a fun movie. Not a great movie, just a fun movie. It was a perfectly acceptable use of 90 minutes, and it was definitely a lot better than it had any right to be, considering I think just about everyone figured out the twist from the commercials. This can be chalked up to the excellent jobs done by all of the actors (and especially Timothy Olyphant, whose character deserves his own series of spin-off films). So, yeah, it was decent enough...but not really anything I would ever feel like owning. Except, check out that DVD cover. That is a GREAT cover. Why? Well, it's simple math. There are three Milla's on there. Not one. Not two. THREE. Clearly, the person who designed this cover knows where this movie's bread is buttered.