In all honesty, that Twilight Saga: Eclipse trailer that I ripped on last month didn't really stand much of chance of impressing me right from the get-go. So, in the interest of fairness, I figured I'd show that I can be equally critical of shit I like, as well.
Well, the teaser trailer for the fourth Resident Evil movie hit the Interwebs today. Check it out:
OK, look, if you know me, then you know I have no problem admitting that I love the Resident Evil film series. I know what you're thinking, but it actually goes beyond my love of zombies and my well-documented obsession with appreciation of Milla Jovovich. Those two things are certainly a factor, but believe me, there are plenty of other zombie movies AND Milla movies that I can't stand, so it's not as simple as me blindly falling in line for any film that combines the two. That being said, I'll also be the first to admit that there's not exactly a lot of good reasons for me to enjoy these movies. You'll never hear me claiming they are great movies or anything (although I think the first one is actually pretty decent and slightly underrated. They're just good dumb fun, is all...and it works for me.
That's why my reaction to this new trailer is so surprising. It's not like there was some great precedent that this fourth film has to live up to. And yet, this trailer...this is not good. I realize I sound quite silly saying that I'm worried about the quality of the fourth film in a B-grade zomebie/action series, but then that's my point. If I was oddly entertained by the previous three, it says something as to how crappy this trailer is if I saw it and thought, "yikes."
So what exactly is my problem with this? A little bit of it probably has to do with my disappointment that the movie looks to be ignoring the "army of Alice clones" cliffhanger from the last movie. I know, I know, this is just a teaser, so I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they're not outright ignoring it - but judging by what we see here, I'm wondering if it's just something that is quickly addressed and then ignored. Perhaps the multiple Alice's are all wiped out in the film's first act or something. I hope I'm wrong about that. And no, it's not just because of my warped desire to see multiple Millas in my dreams on the big screen. I just hate when a series introduces a legitimately intriguing idea and then just abandons it rather than see it through.
But, whatever, that's actually a minor issue, and one I need to see more footage of the movie before I can really start commenting on. No, my main problem with this trailer can be summed up with one simple number and one simple letter: 3D.
Sure, I appreciate that RE: Afterlife was at least smart enough to actually film in 3D, rather than just go with this "convert to 3D afterwards" bullshit. And I give them credit for actually using the same cameras and technology that James Cameron employed for Avatar.
But, judging by this trailer, it seems that while they may have borrowed Cameron's tech, they sure as shit didn't learn anything from his methods. What made the 3D in Avatar so great was how Cameron used it - as a way to enhance depth of field and thus make everything in front of you seem more real and lifelike. He didn't just do 3D for 3D's sake; never resorted to just throwing crap at the screen for the audience to "duck and cover" from. But, alas, what's the very first thing we see in this trailer after the corny declaration that they're using Cameron's cameras? Why, it's Alice...throwing freaking ninja stars at the screen! Sigh. So, instead of wisely using 3D to just enhance the realism of otherwise unrealistic environments and FX, this is instead obviously going to be just another "here comes more shit flying at us" kind of 3D movie. Ninja stars, pieces of wall, sunglasses, Milla herself. It looks like Afterlife has no small supply of things to shoot out of the screen at us. It gets old in this two-minute teaser...can you imagine how it's going to feel sitting through an hour and a half of this nonsense? It's one thing for a movie that is obviously playful and tongue-in-cheek (like Piranha 3D) to resort to this approach, but any movie that even feigns some level of seriousness (like Resident Evil does) is probably better off leaving the 3D alone, lest it just become distracting and silly.
And it certainly won't be helped any by what looks to be a ridiculous over-reliance on slo-mo. Seriously, aren't we past this whole Matrix thing by now? It's alright in small doses, sure. But this trailer suggests just non-stop "look how cool this shit is" slow-motion shots of people jumping, shooting, fighting, falling, etc. This series continues to consistently (and somewhat surprisingly) make money, so I certainly don't need to tell Paul W.S. Anderson how to do his job. But, really, at this point in the Resident Evil series, why not worry less about trying to make it look fancy and cool, and just see what happens if you make a more visceral and nasty movie? It's already rated R...why not just go for it? Forget the Matrix crap for awhile...just give us Milla kicking the bloody shit out of zombies in real-time, and make it as brutal as possible. The Resident Evil games don't resort to this sort of fancy-dancy visual gymnastics - the movies shouldn't have to, either. And yes, I know the games and the movie series are pretty far removed from one another by this point, but my point remains.
Like I said, this is just a teaser, so I could be overreacting. Plus, truth be told, I know I'll end up seeing this movie, and I'll probably end up liking it. I mean, hell, Resident Evil: Apocalypse is probably one of the stupidest movies to ever get a wide theatrical release, and I liked that movie. It seems hard to believe that Afterlife could really get much worse than that. Like the other three, I'm sure this new one will probably be a decent way to turn off your brain for awhile and just have fun. But, I don't know...this trailer just does nothing for me.
At least Wesker looks alright, I guess.
